


Your Name Is Forever

by ForForever19



Category: Glee
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-03
Updated: 2019-08-03
Packaged: 2020-07-30 12:43:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,316
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20097415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ForForever19/pseuds/ForForever19
Summary: Rachel says the wrong - or right - name in a moment of panic, and it changes everything. Set around Senior Year Regionals.





	Your Name Is Forever

**Disclaimer**: I, by no means, claim to own anything remotely related to the Glee Universe. No copyright infringement intended.

* * *

**Your Name Is Forever**

* * *

It's an accident just waiting to happen.

Rachel Berry knows it from the moment she steps onto the stage for rehearsals in the auditorium, but she can't quite bring herself to say anything. She sees the scaffolding the art department has left up on the right side of the stage, and she makes note of the heavy box sitting perilously at its top, but that's all that happens.

In the back of her mind, she registers how much of a hazard it's going to be, but Mr Schuester catches her attention, and they're already stressed enough without adding in the potential of a disaster.

At this stage, she might even take it.

Rehearsals are generally painful, so Rachel does her best to find the little moments that don't make it so. They have their steps down and the songs just need some fine-tuning before they're ready to be performed at Regionals on Saturday.

The entire thing has been stressful, given the perilous position she's in with regards to her friendship with Kurt - stuffing ballots is not a thing one should do, apparently - and her friendship with Quinn - wanting to marry your high school boyfriend is always going to tick her off, apparently - and Rachel just wants one thing to work out.

She doesn't think it's too much to ask, but nothing in her life has come easy. It's just a thing, at this point, and she takes everything with a grain of salt as it comes at her.

Like this, apparently.

Well, she tries.

It just never occurs to her that the stupid box sitting over the edge of the scaffolding is going to be as life-defining as it eventually proves to be.

It's maybe two hours into rehearsals that Rachel notices that something is different. The box has moved, maybe from when Mike bumped into the scaffolding during a rather complex dance move.

The two people standing closest to it are Finn and Quinn. They're just near each other, not standing together, because that's not something they would ever do, especially with the whole teenage wedding thing, but Rachel registers that the box will probably fall on one of them at the same second the box decides to do just that.

Rachel's mouth opens before her brain can even catch up, and she screams, "Quinn!" just in time for them both to jump out of the way, the box - holy shit, those are metal tools - clattering to the ground, landing exactly where they were standing a mere second earlier.

The thud is terrifying, and the reality that the box could have landed on them has Rachel's heart racing, hitting her with enough of a vengeance that she actually staggers backwards.

Well, no.

Not _them_.

Rachel blinks, caught.

What the -

Finn looks at her, a relieved smile on his face. "Nice save, Rach," he says, breathing out. "That would've been bad."

Rachel just nods, suddenly very thankful that the names Quinn and Finn sound so similar, particularly when they're said at such a high, panicked volume.

Nobody seems to have noticed, and, if they have, nobody is commenting.

It's okay.

She's okay.

It's just, well, the person she was worried about was Quinn. Not Finn. Not her fiancé.

That's - that's not okay, right?

He should have been the first person on her mind. He should have been the person whose name she called out. He should have been the person she wanted to warn about the danger.

And, yet, he wasn't.

He wasn't any of those things, and that's -

Whoa.

Rachel knows she shouldn't, but she still looks at Quinn, who is already bending to pick up the scattered tools and depositing them back in the box that would have likely given her a concussion if Rachel hadn't -

Hadn't what?

Panicked at the sheer thought of Quinn getting hurt? Almost wanted to shove her out of the way and take the brunt of it instead?

_Jesus_.

Rachel turns to Mr Schuester. "May I go to the bathroom?" she asks, just needing a moment to compose herself in private.

"Sure," he answers, distracted. "I think we all need some time after that."

Rachel just nods, and then heads down the steps, relieved that nobody seems o have noticed.

Quinn.

She said Quinn.

Why would she do that?

Deep down, she supposes she knows why, but her head won't allow her to accept that for what it is. Not now. Not today. Not ever, preferably.

Rachel makes it to the bathroom and heads straight to the sink, desperately wanting to splash her face with cold water. She makes the mistake of looking in the mirror and, for the first time, she doesn't recognise the person she sees.

Oh, God.

For whatever reason, she doesn't think it's today's events that have her looking different, but today's events rather have her seeing clearly fo the first time I'm a long time.

Oh.

This is what she looks like to everyone else. Unrecognisable. Is this what Quinn and Kurt have been trying to tell her all along? Her fathers too?

It's sobering and terrifying and her heart hasn't slowed down since the box started its descent. Quinn. The name she called out belonged to Quinn, and she's not sure she's going to be able to ignore it this time.

This time.

What - what does that even mean?

Before she can even allow herself to dissect that further, the bathroom door opens behind her and she flinches at the sound. It's not necessarily loud, but her heart still jolts, and she already knows who it is before she even looks up.

"Hey," Quinn says. "You okay?"

"Fine," Rachel forces herself to say. "Are you?"

Quinn blinks. "Oh, uh, yes," she says. "Might have peed myself a little and possibly developed a heart arrhythmia, but all's good." She rolls her eyes at herself, and then she steps further into the bathroom. "You sure you're okay?"

Rachel takes a deep, calming breath, and then forces herself to turn around. Quinn's eyes are concerned, and her lips are parted, as if she wants to ask another question. For a moment, Rachel is lost.

So, so lost.

_Oh_.

Everything suddenly makes so much sense. It's amazing how she didn't see it before. She called out Quinn's name for a reason, and, now, she's staring this girl in the face, and everything is falling into place.

Okay.

"Rachel?" Quinn calls softly, her brow furrowing. She purses her lips, as if she's steeling herself to say her next words. "He's fine, you know," she says, her tone flat. "You warned us in time."

Rachel can't bring herself to speak, silently cursing herself for even allowing this to happen. What is happening, anyway?

"Rachel?" Quinn tries again. "Seriously, are you okay?"

She lets out a breath. "No," she finally says. "I'm not okay."

Quinn takes a cautious step forward, her expression concerned and full of worry. "What's wrong?"

_Way too many things_. Rachel knows she can't say that, so she tries to come up with the safest option. She's just about to answer - God knows what she's going to say - when the door opens again, revealing Tina, who looks pale and borderline distraught.

Quinn spins around, frowning deeply. "Tina, what is it?"

"Something's happened," she says, her voice catching.

* * *

The news of Dave Karofsky's attempted suicide is enough to halt Rachel's epiphany about that-subject-that-shall-not-be-thought-about-in-public, and she and Quinn accompany Tina back to the auditorium in silence.

Rachel feels numb, all of a sudden. From feeling so much all at once to feeling next to nothing at all, her body's probably going into shock or something.

As soon as they arrive, Rachel doesn't get much time to take in the scene before Finn is standing right in front of her and pulling her into a hug that suddenly feels... wrong.

It's like a punch to the gut when she realises this isn't the comfort she wants. She doesn't think she even wants it at all; she would much rather give it.

Rachel squirms, forcing him to release her, and she ducks out of his embrace without meeting his confused gaze, and moves towards Kurt, who looks as white as a sheet. She can't tell if he'll accept whatever her presence could offer him, so she approaches carefully, her arms and expression decidedly _open_. She's hesitant, of course, because he's been less than kind regarding her upcoming nuptials, so it's a bit of a surprise when he, essentially, bypasses Blaine and throws his arms around her, as if she's the only person who will understand.

She might be, she thinks, when he chokes out a wet, "It's my fault."

Rachel isn't sure what the right response is to that, so she says nothing, just hugging him tighter. Her heart is still racing, and she's pretty sure she can actually _feel_ Quinn's gaze burning into her back. Finn's too, but Quinn's is more potent. For a moment, she wonders if Quinn will think that Rachel was suddenly _not okay_ because she had a feeling something bad was happening or had happened.

If that allows her to avoid the mere idea that she could actually be making a gigantic mistake marrying a boy whose name wasn't the first on her lips, then, well, she'll take it.

Still, she gives Kurt her full attention, even as Mr Schuester calls an end to rehearsals, the evening ending on a deeply sombre note. She won't go so far to say everything was going well - a box of tools almost decapitated two of their members - but anything is considerably better than this.

Finn tries to talk to her when Rachel starts to leave, Kurt in tow, but she just shakes her head and tells him she'll call him later. Behind Finn's large form, she catches sight of Quinn, who has an arm around Brittany's shoulders, looking a little awkward with the slight height difference. Quinn looks a little lost, uncomfortable, and Rachel can't help but wonder if Quinn is one of those people who needs the comfort, instead of having to give it.

Rachel doesn't hang around to find out, even though she's sure she knows the answer.

* * *

Rachel doesn't allow herself to think about her new revelation until she crawls into bed after what has been the longest, most trying day of the year. It's only February, she knows, and there are many months still to come, but her mind and body are already exhausted.

She has several texts and missed calls from Finn, but there's really only one person from whom she wants to hear, but her phone has been silent of communication between her and Quinn since Quinn made her displeasure about the wedding known.

It's odd. Rachel didn't really expect to miss the blonde this much. Their renewed friendship was tentative at best, before all this wedding drama, but she's just now starting to figure out why the distance has been eating away at her so much.

It's the same reason she called out for Quinn instead of Finn, merely proving to herself the order in which they exist in importance in her life. If Rachel is willing to marry Finn, what does that say about her feelings towards Quinn?

A lot, apparently.

It takes her hours to get to sleep, and then she dreams. About Karofsky and about Kurt and about Quinn and about what this will all do to Finn. She couldn't say no to him before, so how can she even dream of doing it now?

Would she? Does she want to? She thinks she has to. If Finn's name was the one she called, she wouldn't even be having this dilemma, but it wasn't and so she is, and she's going to have to deal with it, because it's not fair to any of them. They can't embark on a marriage when she values someone else's safety over his.

Maybe, she can try to rationalise that Quinn was closer to the impact zone, or she would have been hurt more than him because she's shorter and smaller, but Rachel knows better, and she's spent enough time lying to herself.

Which is why she can't bring herself to respond to any of his texts or even call him back. She can hide behind shock about Karofsky - she _is_ shocked, so it's not a leap - and she'll deal with everything in the morning.

* * *

Or, she can just continue to ignore everything, and avoid both Finn and Quinn like the plague.

Quinn is easier than Finn, mainly because the blonde isn't actively trying to seek her out. Unlike Finn, who has been blowing up her phone all day. She knows he deserves some kind of explanation for her distance, but she doesn't think she can put it into words.

She can't marry him.

She just doesn't know what reason she can give him. It can't have anything to do with anyone else but herself. Because, it is about herself. Only her. She can't do this to herself.

She also can't do it to him, and she can't do this to Quinn.

Of course, Rachel can't figure out what she'll end up doing after she talks to Finn. Is she supposed to do something? With regards to Quinn, she means?

No.

Maybe it's best to leave that alone.

* * *

When Kurt suggests they change their set list to show their support for struggling teenagers during Glee that afternoon, Rachel can't bring herself to argue.

Still, eyes turn towards her, and she would maybe glare if she felt so inclined. She has no plans to interject, even if this creates a hell of a lot more work for them. It's important, and Rachel is kind of looking forward to more of an excuse to keep busy enough to avoid Finn.

Which, okay, falls apart completely the second he moves straight towards her the moment Mr Schuester tells them to split up and jot down some potential ideas. She already has her notebook out when Finn stands over her, looking equal parts confused and expectant. It's obvious he expects some kind of explanation or even an apology, but Rachel doesn't intend to give him either.

Not yet, at least.

"Did you have a song idea?" she asks.

Finn's face pinches a little. "No," he says, and then moves to sit on the chair beside her. "Are you okay?" he asks. "You haven't texted me back."

Rachel blinks, feeling caught all of a sudden. "It's been a rough twenty-four hours," she says.

Finn nods. "It's been crazy, yeah. Difficult to imagine."

Rachel doesn't think it is, which is such a contrast to Finn. She can imagine being marginalised and bullied into wishing to disappear, and she doesn't want that for herself. Or for anyone else.

Without her say-so, her eyes drift past him towards Quinn, who is scrolling through her phone, probably in search of some kind of uplifting song. Her brow is furrowed in that adorable way that makes Rachel never want to look away, and there's really no way for Rachel to ignore this anymore.

Dave Karofsky has allowed her this moment, and she needs to accept it. Seize it, maybe, if she's brave enough.

She is.

She can achieve anything, right? Before her tanked audition, she probably wouldn't even be questioning herself. But, she's Rachel Berry, and she's had dreams of stardom for years. How can she let -

"Rach?"

She snaps to attention at the sound of Finn's voice. "Hmm?"

"Do you hunk we can talk after Glee is over?" he asks. "There's something I've been thinking about, especially after all of this with Karofsky, and I'd like to run it by you."

Okay. Rachel isn't sure what to make of that. What could he possibly want to talk about? It'd be great if he's come to the same realisation she has - they're not meant to be together - but she's not holding her breath. She knows she's going to have to do some convincing.

The rehearsal, once they decide on songs, runs surprisingly smoothly. Rachel gets a solo, obviously, because she's really the only one who could pull it off with only a day to go, and they spend most of the time working on the group numbers because of it.

Rachel thinks she should feel somewhat uplifted by it all, but there's this truth sitting on her brain that she just can't shake. It's heavy, weighing her down, and she needs to get through this weekend in one piece before she can really start unpacking it.

But, it seems Finn isn't going to give her that luxury.

It's late when Mr Schuester lets them go. They've perfected their set list as much as they possibly can, and they'll be able to run through it in the morning before they hit the stage.

Finn catches her in Choir Room while she's packing up her things, carefully piling her sheet music to practice her solo a few more times in the safety of her soundproof bedroom once she's at home.

Rachel knows him well enough to know this conversation has been deemed serious. It holds a certain importance for him, and Rachel is just going along for the ride, at this point.

Still, she almost wishes someone had stayed behind, so the two of them wouldn't be alone. But, they are, and she has no choice but to listen to him when he says, "I've been thinking."

Rachel waits, patient and unassuming.

"After everything that's happened with Karofsky, I feel as if we're just wasting time," he says. "Life is... it's meant to be lived, and I want to seize the moment, you know? That's what this whole thing has shown me, and so I've been thinking really hard about a lot of things, particularly when it comes to the two of us."

She sucks in a deep breath, wondering if this is the moment. "I have, too," she confesses. "The entire thing has definitely shifted things into perspective, hasn't it?"

Finn nods, his eyes shining. "I'm so glad," he says. "I was hoping you would be thinking the same thing I am."

Here, Rachel pauses, because it's very likely they're thinking two entirely different things, which is proven to be correct when Finn says, "We should get married tomorrow, after the show," at the same time Rachel says, "We should break up."

The silence that follows is heavy.

Finn blinks repeatedly, and then asks, "What?" with a crack in his voice.

Rachel tenses her jaw, as if steeling herself to provide the required explanation. "I - I can't marry you, Finn," she says. "This last day has been eye-opening, to say the least, and I think I need to take some time for myself and just try to figure out some things."

"What?"

Rachel sighs, gently removing the engagement ring from her left ring finger. It's a pretty thing, really, but it doesn't feel right against her skin. It won't ever; not when there's another name and face in her head and heart. "I'm sorry," she says, reaching for his large left hand and depositing the band in his limp palm, enclosing it in his fingers.

"What?"

Rachel doesn't think it's really sunk in, and the cowardly part of her doesn't want to be here to witness it. All she knows is she has to be perfectly clear about this. It's a breakup. Not a break; not some kind of relationship timeout.

Maybe, if they're really meant to be, they'll find their way back to each other in the future, but Rachel definitely doesn't love him enough to agree to spend the rest of her life with him, and that's the most enlightening thought she's had since that box of tools went hurtling towards the ground, forcing a choice out of her that's changed her perspective on just about everything in her young life.

It's not as if Rachel expects this breakup to be easy, but she honestly doesn't foresee it turning as ugly as it does. She doesn't really have much to say in terms of reasoning for her decision, but it isn't as if Finn would even hear her if she were to say something to defend herself.

It turns ugly. The disgusting kind.

He won't accept it and, somehow, the engagement ring gets launched across the room before a chair gets kicked. He says things; awful, hurtful things, and then storms off with a parting, "How could you do this to me?" and "Don't come crying to me when you figure out nobody else will ever want you."

Rachel sits, perfectly still and silent, for hours. Her head hurts almost as much as her heart does, but there's an odd sense of relief threatening to take over everything else. Her timing might be wrong, but it's better now than... after she's signed a document tying herself to someone who could both insult her and tell her he loves her in the same sentence.

Surely, she deserves more than that.

It might not be Quinn, sure, but it's definitely not Finn.

Eventually, the sound of her phone vibrating on the piano rouses her attention, and she forces herself to move. One look at the screen tells her it's almost midnight, and she should be worried, but she's not.

The call is coming from one of her fathers, Hiram, but she ignores it as she finally gathers her things and leaves the room. When the screen goes blank, she sees she has a handful of texts, from her fathers, and from Kurt, who must now know about the breakup.

She doesn't want to deal with any of it.

She does, however, send a text to Hiram to tell him she's on her way home, and she'll see him in a few minutes. She suspects she might be in trouble for staying out so late without any contact, but she thinks they'll let it slide.

She has just given them what they've wanted all along, hasn't she?

No Finn. No marriage.

It's just that it comes along with an uncertain future, and an uncertain heart.

But, that's Sunday's problem.

* * *

Rachel gets very little sleep. An hour here and there, and she rises from bed long before the sun shows itself. She's wired, emotional in a way she can't quite understand.

She's... restless. As if, now that she's made this huge decision about her life, it's time to move on to the next one. She won't kid herself into wondering what it is, but she also knows she's nowhere near that.

If anything, she might never be.

_They_ probably won't ever be.

Still, Rachel goes through her morning routine earlier than usual, and then runs through her solo once, before deciding the song isn't right.

It's a song she picked thinking of Finn, trying to hold onto something, but she's free now, and it's time for her to sing songs for herself. (She tries to convince herself it has nothing to do with Quinn, but she's just now stopped lying to herself, and it's nothing to which she wants to go back.)

* * *

Mr Schuester doesn't even blink twice when Rachel tells him she's changed her song. He's maybe a little too distracted by the fact Finn seems to be missing, but Rachel isn't getting involved in that.

She's also avoiding Kurt like the plague, surrounding herself with Tina, Mike and Rory, who are unwitting obstacles for anyone who might approach her. From what she's been able to ascertain, nobody seems to know about the breakup. Even Kurt looks perplexed, as if all he knows his stepbrother came home in a fit of rage, and that's all.

Rachel is surprised by how well she's taking all of this. The realisation seems to have liberated her in some way, and she has half a mind to cut ties with every other person she knows who's tried to drag her down.

The list, she thinks, could be many.

Rachel catches Quinn's eye at some point, their gazes locking for a long moment. She can't be sure, but there's something very particular about Quinn's stare that sends a shiver down Rachel's spine.

Okay.

That's... new.

Well, is it?

Maybe not.

They're still staring at each other when Finn finally arrives, dressed to perform and looking only slightly off. His gaze is hard, and his eyes settle on Rachel immediately, even as she drops her own.

If people pick up on the tension, they blissfully don't mention it. There's no time. Mr Schuester drags them into a show circle to give them instructions and remind them they have only twenty minutes to run through their set before the other schools and audience start to arrive.

Mr Schuester bustles them out of the Choir Room, and Rachel leads the way, standing as close to Mr Schuester as she can manage. She wants to say something, just to make sure they don't get interrupted by anyone else, but they get to the auditorium soon enough, and then it's business as usual.

Sort of.

There's an undeniable bit of awkwardness as everyone shifts into position, and then the music takes over.

They manage to get through _Fly/I Believe I Can Fly_ without incident, which is a feat in itself, given the way Finn seems to be fighting whatever gravitational pull he seems to have to Rachel on stage. She's just relieved that they aren't performing an actual duet.

_What Doesn't Kill You (Stronger)_ goes much better, given that Rachel is standing in the right wing while Finn is in the other. The problem, though, is that Quinn is standing right next to her, and she can practically feel the warmth of the girl's body.

She's never been so aware of another person before, and she can't resist looking at her, only to see Quinn's eyes looking upwards at where the box once was situated on scaffolding that's no longer there. She can't help wondering if the incident has struck something profound in Quinn, too.

"Hey," her mouth says before she can stop it.

Quinn looks at her, her gaze surprisingly soft. "Hey, yourself," she murmurs, the tips of her ears a little pink.

"You okay?"

Quinn glances upwards for a beat and then looks back at Rachel. "I think so," she says. "What about you?"

The answer should be easy, but she doesn't want to lie to Quinn. She's past that, now. There are other things she has to keep to herself, she knows, but this is a truth she can divulge. "Getting there," she says.

Quinn's answering smile is soft, barely there, small and genuine and so, so real, and Rachel is in love with this particular smile.

Wow.

Okay.

Where on earth did that come from?

"Do you think we'll ever really be okay?" Quinn asks her.

Rachel hums in thought. "Maybe," she concedes. "Maybe not."

Quinn raises an eyebrow.

"I think not really knowing is what makes life... life."

Quinn blinks. "Are you turning philosophical on me, Berry?"

Rachel tilts her head to the side, her gaze staying on Quinn. She wouldn't be able to look away if she tried. "No," she says. "Just, you know, this week has made me realise a few things."

Quinn nods, as if she understands. "This entire thing with Karofsky has thrown me for a loop, too," she admits. "I've spent so long trying to be someone else; someone other people want me to be, that I kind of forgot whom _I_ want to be."

Rachel swallows, the entire world falling to nothing around them. "Have you figured it out?"

"Not yet," Quinn says, shrugging slightly. "I think I'm always going to be a work in progress, but I can tell you that I'm trying to be me, now."

"Oh?"

"It's hard."

"Why?"

Quinn purses her lips. "What if I don't like who I end up being?"

"You can always change," Rachel offers. Then, because she's single and maybe a little bit in love with this girl, she says, "But, I don't think you have anything to worry about... you're very likeable, even when you're trying not to be."

Quinn stares at her for a long moment, and Rachel does her best not to squirm under the scrutiny. "I thought about it, you know?" she eventually says, her voice dropping in volume.

Rachel's face falls, because she suddenly just knows what Quinn is talking about. It's impossible not to, when she looks as serious as she does, her eyes slightly unfocused as if she's trapped in some memory.

"A lot," Quinn adds. "Sometimes, I still do."

"Quinn," Rachel breathes, taking an involuntary step closer, as if her proximity will make up for the words she can't say.

"I've come very close," Quinn admits, and Rachel's heart twists painfully. "I - I've never really understood why I've never, you know? It would have been so much easier, for so many people."

Rachel lets out a squeak of protest.

Quinn smiles, small and amused. "I'm still here, though."

Rachel has the sudden urge to reach out and just hold onto her. Protect her. Comfort her. "You're still here," she echoes.

Quinn lifts her gaze high again, eyeing that spot up in the air with an odd sense of wonder. "I'm still here," she says again, and Rachel can't resist hooking her pinkie with Quinn's. She's seen Santana and Brittany do it before, but she also doesn't want to take more from Quinn than she's willing to give.

Quinn glances down at the contact, looking adorably perplexed, but she doesn't get a chance to question it as the song ends and the Troubletones girls come tumbling into the wings, forcing them apart.

Rachel thinks it's for the best, and she allows the influx of people to separate her even further from the temptation that is Quinn Fabray. She feels oddly emotionally spent, so it's a relief to her when Mr Schuester says they don't have time to go over her song.

Good.

She has to hold onto whatever her conversation with Quinn has managed to draw out of her, leaving it near the surface in order to tap into it later. Still, she can't shake her desire to hug Quinn; to pull her into an embrace intended to comfort her.

It's not the first time she's had the urge, but it is the first time she can actually act on it and not feel confused or guilty.

She gets it now. All her anxiety surrounding Quinn has never been quite what she thought it was.

It's so much more.

* * *

Rachel sits next to Tina while they watch the other schools perform, and she's so relieved that people actually leave her alone. She can sense Finn's eyes on her from time to time, but she's able to ignore them. She's sure they're due another conversation, but she appreciates his patience.

She's still angry and hurt over his words, but she thinks she could maybe forgive his reaction if he apologised. Saying no doesn't give him the license to attack her. She has every right to her own decisions regarding her own relationships, and she's made one about Finn.

She's in the middle of making one about Quinn, she thinks, which is why she's almost drawn to the other girl as Mr Schuester gathers them into a huddle before they're scheduled to take to the stage.

Rachel can only wonder how different this moment would be if Finn had actually succeeded in getting her to agree to get married today. Would she be bouncing in excitement? Would she be standing at his side? Would Quinn still be looking at her with quiet fascination?

Nobody's asked her about the engagement ring she's not wearing, even though she's sure they've noticed. Quinn has glanced at her finger a handful of times, but she's said nothing.

Daring to hope, maybe.

The person who does bring up the ring is, well, Finn. They've just broken up the huddle, each of them going through their final warmups, and Finn approaches her to ask for the ring back, seeing as she's so set on throwing away their love as if it means nothing.

Now, if Rachel were any other person, she might have said something hurtful, but she's not, so she doesn't. As it stands, though, she's just confused by his request, so, instead, she very calmly says, "I already gave it to you."

Finn looks stumped for a beat, confused in that way that Rachel suspects she found cute at some point. Now, it just rubs her the wrong way. "No, you didn't," he eventually says.

Rachel exhales, trying to remain composed. "I did," she says. "I distinctly remember taking it off and placing it in your palm, closing your fingers around it."

If he recalls the same moment, he's doing a good job of acting as if he doesn't. "But, I don't have it."

Rachel almost shrugs, but resists. "I gave it you, Finn," she says, ever so patient. "I wouldn't feel right keeping it."

His face twists with displeasure. "Why? Is it not good enough for you?" What he's really asking is _am I not good enough for you_, and Rachel just sighs in response. "Where is it?"

"I told you I don't have it," she says, losing patience. "I gave it to you. Put it in your hand. What you did with it after that is on you."

His eyes harden. "What is that supposed to mean?"

Rachel shakes her head. "Nothing," she says. "I don't have your ring, okay? Now, if you'll excuse me, I have my warmup exercises to complete." She starts to turn away, but he suddenly grabs her arm, his fingers holding her in place.

"I want my ring, Rachel," he says, his voice tight. "You've taken everything else and thrown it away, so what's - "

"Finn," she says, eyes widening slightly. "I gave it to you."

"Then, where is it?"

"I don't know," she says. "You're the one who hurled it at the wall."

He blinks in surprise, as if he's just remembering he actually did that. His eyes scan the room, as if he can spot it from where he's standing. "And you didn't pick it up?"

Rachel tries to remove her arm from his grip for the first time, but he won't release her. "Of course not," she says, keeping her voice steady. "Why would I?"

"Was it not important to you, at all?"

Rachel stares at him. "Finn, let go of me," she says. "Now."

He lets go. "Did it mean that little to you?"

"You're the one who threw it," she points out, trying to keep all accusation out of her tone. "Look, we can look for it later, okay?"

He just nods, looking a little numb. Rachel's not sure which she prefers: this melancholy, or the rage from the night before.

It barely matters, anyway, and she's able to slip past him and away. She ignores the looks sent her way as she exits the room and starts back towards the auditorium.

Rachel feels a presence behind her a beat later, and she already knows it's Quinn without having to turn around.

The idea should terrify her, but she's rather comforted by it. Quinn's footsteps are very distinct, apparently. Light and barely there, but definitely hers.

Quinn doesn't say anything as they walk, and Rachel appreciates the silence. She appreciates so many things in this moment, and she has the sudden urge to drag Quinn somewhere where they can be blissfully alone and just reveal all her secrets.

Rachel stops quite suddenly, and Quinn just manages to avoid colliding with her. Rachel is fully aware of the New Directions coming up behind them, but she has to look at Quinn's face, see her intelligent, hazel eyes and bask in the feeling of being looked at _like that_.

"You okay?" Quinn asks.

Rachel smiles, true and real. "Still getting there," she says. "You ready to sing?"

"Are you?"

It's really not an exaggeration when Rachel says, "I was born ready."

* * *

Rachel hears the music start, but all her body registers is the fact that her fingers are still tingling from where Quinn briefly squeezed them before she stepped onto the stage.

There hadn't been much time to talk in the wings this time around, but Quinn still managed to wish her good luck before sending her towards her solo that nobody's even heard.

Even Rachel has sang it only once. She's never been this unprepared in her life, but she decidedly doesn't care. In fact, she's sure it'll come out better this way.

She's not wrong.

From the moment her mouth opens to start singing _Don't Give Up On Me_ by Andy Grammer, Rachel suspects everything that's happened in the last few days is going to be left on the stage when she eventually steps off.

_I will fight_  
_I will fight for you_  
_I always do until my heart  
_ _Is black and blue_

_And I will stay_  
_I will stay with you_  
_We'll make it to the other side  
_ _Like lovers do_

_I'll reach my hands out in the dark_  
_And wait for yours to interlock_  
_I'll wait for you  
_ _I'll wait for you_

_'Cause I'm not givin' up_  
_I'm not givin' up, givin' up_  
_No not yet_  
_Even when I'm down to my last breath_  
_Even when they say there's nothin' left  
_ _So don't give up on..._

_I'm not givin' up_  
_I'm not givin' up, givin' up_  
_No not me_  
_Even when nobody else believes_  
_I'm not goin' down that easily  
_ _So don't give up on me_

_And I will hold_  
_I'll hold onto you_  
_No matter what this world'll throw  
_ _I won't shake me loose_

_I'll reach my hands out in the dark_  
_And wait for yours to interlock_  
_I'll wait for you  
_ _I'll wait for you_

_'Cause I'm not givin' up_  
_I'm not givin' up, givin' up_  
_No not yet_  
_Even when I'm down to my last breath_  
_Even when they say there's nothin' left  
_ _So don't give up on..._

_I'm not givin' up_  
_I'm not givin' up, givin' up_  
_No not me_  
_Even when nobody else believes_  
_I'm not goin' down that easily  
_ _So don't give up on me_

_Whoa, whoa_  
_Whoa, whoa_  
_Yeah yeah yeah yeah  
_ _Yeah yeah yeah_

_I will fight_  
_I will fight for you_  
_I always do until my heart  
_ _Is black and blue_

Rachel thinks of Quinn while she sings.

Of course, she does.

Her heart is beating far too wildly in her chest when the song comes to an end, and she can barely register the thunderous applaud as she tries to get a hold of herself. Her ears are ringing, but she's aware enough to take a bow and then scamper off to the side, where she's met with several of her teammates.

Tina hugs her tightly, congratulates her, and then pulls her even further into the amassed group, away to the side. She's grateful and also not, because she wants to see Quinn, but the blonde is absent from her immediate vicinity, which is disappointing. Required, maybe, because Rachel is living on a high that may result in her doing something stupid.

* * *

The judges don't take all that long to deliberate, and the New Directions stay in a small group in the wings while they wait. Rachel stays sandwiched between Tina and Mike, avoiding Finn's gaze and Kurt's obvious curiosity. From her position, she can see Quinn, who's talking to Brittany while resting her chin on Sam's shoulder.

All their blondes in one place. Rachel can't help her smile.

Tina gives her a curious look, but she just shrugs. She wouldn't be able to explain, anyway. There's really no escaping it at this point. Quinn is... always on her mind. Her eyes seek her out constantly, and her stomach does somersaults whenever Quinn is looking back at her.

Like, right now.

Quinn starts moving before Rachel does, and they meet a little off to the side, only vaguely aware of eyes on them. Rachel can't help wondering if Quinn is able to sense that something has changed for her, because the blonde already seems too in tune with her.

"Hey," Rachel says, her voice barely more than a whisper.

"Hey, yourself," Quinn says, and her smile is gorgeous. "I liked the song."

"Yeah?"

"Loved it, really," Quinn murmurs, and Rachel is a goner. She wants to tell Quinn the song was for her, but that seems like a bit much, given the fact she's been unable to inform anyone but her fathers that she and Finn broke up. "You sang it wonderfully."

"Yeah?"

Quinn grins. "_Yeah_," she almost sings, giving Rachel a curious look.

Rachel is pathetic. She really is.

"I think you won it for us," Quinn says, her voice soft. "I mean, I'll be the first person to admit today was about a lot more than that, but I won't say no to a win." She scrunches up her nose so cutely that Rachel wants to kiss her.

"Reckon this'll be our year?" Rachel asks.

Quinn leans forward just slightly. "Our?"

Rachel would do it, she thinks. If there weren't tens of people around, she would close whatever space is between them. Hug her, probably. Ask her to forgive all the bad decisions she's made lately. All the things.

It's Mr Schuester who interrupts them, letting them know they're needed on stage for the announcement. Quinn stays close by her side, and Rachel surprises them both when she links their fingers front and centre.

Quinn gives her hand a gentle squeeze, which sends her heart into overdrive more than the announcement ever could. It's not much of a shock that they win, but the implications of being able to go to Nationals is monumental and Rachel hugs Quinn so hard that the blonde lets out a squeak of pain.

"Sorry," Rachel immediately says, releasing her and looking relieved at Quinn's laughter. The blonde is accosted by Brittany next, and Rachel gets dragged into a sandwich between Sam and Mercedes.

It's a full three minutes later that she looks for Quinn again, but then Finn is standing right in front of her, looking expectant. She hates that look, as if he's just waiting for her to drop everything and give in to his will.

She's done it before, she knows, just wanting to please him, and she can't help her own shudder now that she's realised it. She hates that she was willing to put her dreams on the back burner for... this. She's never been more grateful for a box of murderous tools in her entire life.

Rachel sighs, and then turns and walks away, knowing he's going to follow. Apparently, they have a ring to find.

The Choir Room isn't empty of other people, and it's easy to get a few to help them once they start searching. Sam and Mercedes just assume that Rachel misplaced the ring and that's why Finn is so angry.

She'll take it. Quinn isn't here, anyway, and Rachel wants to be able to tell the blonde herself. They just need to find the ring, and then she can move on. It's surprising how well she's taking all of this, and she wonders when it's going to hit her.

If it even will.

Finn eventually finds it near the opposite wall to the one he threw it against the night before, and he lets out a victorious whoop, as if he's forgotten how it ended up there in the first place.

He further proves it when he moves towards Rachel and attempts to put it back on her finger.

Rachel retracts her hand, her eyes wide. "What are you doing?" she asks, her voice low. The others can still hear her, obviously, but she's past caring because, seriously, what is he doing?

"Rach," Finn says, sounding exasperated. "Don't you think this is a sign? We found the ring. It has to mean something."

"No," she says, stepping back and shaking her head. "I'm not doing this again. I already told you that - "

"You're being ridiculous," he insists.

"No, I'm not," she argues. "And, frankly, calling me ridiculous really isn't working in your favour, so you should stop. Now."

There's a lengthy silence that stretches across the room, blanketing them in a way that should be suffocating.

Rachel clenches her jaw. "I made myself perfectly clear," she says. "So did you, if I recall. I don't know what else you want from me."

"I want to marry you," he says. "I want to spend the rest of my life with you."

Rachel folds her arms across her chest. "Well, I want to go to New York," she says.

"Okay...?"

"And, I don't want to get married."

There's a collective gasp heard from others in the room, but Rachel pays no attention to it.

"But, you said yes," Finn points out, looking lost and confused. "Why would you do that?"

There are so many things she can say, but she holds her tongue when it comes to things that might hurt him. "I don't know," she finally says. "I thought I wanted to, at the time. I thought I was ready, but I'm not. I'm too young - we both are - and I think we need to figure out ourselves before we can do this, okay? I already told you this last night." But, he obviously wasn't listening.

"Why?" he asks, as if she hasn't spoken at all. "Why are you doing this to me?"

Her voice is barely a whisper when she says, "Because I didn't say your name."

Finn frowns. "What?"

She sighs, unwilling to explain any further. "I'm sorry," she says again. "I just - I can't, okay? I can't, and I'm sorry that it hurts you, but I can't." There's no going back now, and Rachel thinks she's done all she can to make him understand. He has his ring back, and she has her heart back.

They can only move on from here.

It's what's running through Rachel's mind as she finally takes her leave, needing to exit the room and get some fresh air. Someone says her name as she steps out the door, but she doesn't stop.

She needs a moment.

* * *

A moment that, invariably, involves Quinn Fabray.

Rachel is just walking, trying to calm her racing heart, which proves entirely moot when Quinn appears through a door dressed in her Cheerios best, and Rachel's heart threatens to beat right out of her chest.

"Hey," Rachel says, trying not to react so visibly to the sight of Quinn in that getup.

"Hey, yourself," Quinn says, and then does a little twirl, smiling a little sheepishly. "What do you think?" she asks. "Coach just gave it to me. She's letting me back on the squad."

Rachel steps closer. "I'll admit that I'm trying not to have a Pavlovian response to it," she admits.

Quinn blinks. "Oh."

Rachel licks her lips. "But, you look good," she says, trying not to wince. "But..."

"But?"

"Is this... _Quinn_? This is you?"

Quinn tilts her head to the side. "I think so," she says. "I mean, I always liked cheerleading, just not so much being an actual cheerleader."

Rachel nods, trying to understand. "It'll be different this time around?"

"I'm going to try," Quinn says. "Promises to myself can only go so far, though, I'm afraid."

"Make a promise to me, then," Rachel says, out of nowhere, unsure where the words even come from.

Quinn arches an eyebrow, clearly surprised. "I'd probably keep a promise to you better than I would myself, huh?"

And, okay, Rachel's precious little heart can barely contain itself. "Only you would know."

Quinn smiles, soft and genuine. "I promise you, then," she says. "This thing, it's just a uniform. It isn't me; it's just something I wear." She sighs. "I never want to cause you pain ever again. I hate seeing you hurting, Rachel. Which is why I've been so against this wedding, okay? Because I know. I know you're going to end up hurt, one day, tomorrow or next month or even next year, and I just - I don't want that for you. It's the last thing I want."

And, yeah, okay, Rachel really wants to kiss her.

She doesn't, obviously, but she does confess, "I said your name."

Quinn looks adorably confused for a moment, but it clicks a beat later, and her face does this thing where it twitches, as if she's conflicted by something. Eventually, she sighs heavily and says, "I know."

Rachel blinks in surprise. "You do?"

"I always know when you say my name," Quinn admits. "We'll call it my own Pavlovian response."

"Quinn?"

"It's why I followed after you," Quinn says. "I - I just wanted to check on you; make sure you were okay."

"You didn't say anything," Rachel points out, unable to think of anything else. "Were - were you ever going to?"

Quinn audibly swallows. "I didn't know what to say," she says. "Beyond begging you not to marry him, I didn't know what else to say that you'd actually believe."

Rachel can't quite compute. "I said your name," she repeats, and it's the single most important truth she's come across in the past few days.

"I'm sorry," Quinn says.

"Why are you apologising?"

"I have no idea." She lets out a nervous chuckle. "I just don't know anything right now, if I'm being honest." She shakes her head. "You said my name, and I don't know what that means for you, but I - "

"I ended it with Finn."

Quinn's jaw drops open. "You what?"

On any other day, Rachel would probably be amused by her reaction, but she's so caught off guard by the fact Quinn pulls her into a sudden, bone-crushing hug.

Rachel closes her eyes at the feeling of being in Quinn's arms, even if it actually hurts a little. This is the hug she's been wanting for forever, and she's going to soak up every moment of it.

"I know I shouldn't be happy," Quinn murmurs, her breath warm against Rachel's skin. "And, frankly, I'm not really, because you're probably hurting about it, but I'm relieved. God, Rachel, you deserve so much, and I'm so glad you're finally seeing that."

Rachel realises, in this moment, that Quinn would never actually make this about herself. It's about Rachel. It's always been about Rachel.

"I've always wanted to support you," Quinn says, sounding a little amused. "But, even I can only go so far."

Rachel pulls back, releasing her enough to meet her gaze. She needs to see those eyes. "I said your name," she says. "Do you get what that means?"

Quinn sighs, dropping her own gaze. "I'm trying not to, if I'm being honest," she says. "I don't think I could handle the thought of you... not choosing me again." She swallows. "Not that you even knew I was ever an option." She steps back, looking a little pained. "It doesn't have to be a thing, Rachel," she says. "We can just forget about it, if you want, okay? It doesn't have to be anything."

"What if I want it to be?"

Quinn's eyes snap towards her. "What?"

"I didn't know," she says. "I don't know how I would have reacted if you'd just come out and told me."

Quinn snorts, her eyes shining with mirth.

"What?"

"You said 'come out,'" she says, and Rachel rolls her eyes.

Rachel steps forward, reclaiming the space Quinn put between them. "I'm saying that I wouldn't know then, but I know now. I said your name for a reason, and I can't - I can't be mad that we've reached this point."

"And, what point is that?"

Rachel breathes out. "It's kind of only been a day since you-know, so I think I'd probably like to spend some time on my own," she says, trying to be diplomatic. "But, you know, uh, would you perhaps like to get some coffee some time? Today, maybe? After this? Just to talk." She reaches for Quinn's hand, linking their fingers. "I'd really just like to talk to you. Maybe get to know this Quinn you're trying to be."

Quinn blinks slowly, looking a little dazed. She swallows, her throat bobbing. "Uh huh," she finally says. "We can, yeah, we can totally do that." She clears her throat. "But, um, you're going to have to keep your hands to yourself."

Rachel freezes, just now realising her thumb is stroking the back of Quinn's hand without her even noticing. She reluctantly pulls it away, ceasing all contact. "I'll try," she says, sounding entirely too innocent, her eyes wide and hopeful.

Quinn shakes her head, unable to stop her smile. "I should go change," she says. "Meet you in the parking lot in, like, ten minutes?"

Rachel nods. "Sounds good," she says, trying to keep her face from splitting into a heart-stopping grin. Though, she definitely doesn't stop herself from reaching up on her tiptoes and pressing a butterfly kiss against Quinn's cheek.

"Rachel," Quinn breathes.

Rachel pulls back, smile still in place. "You said hands," she says. "Those were my lips."

Quinn would probably roll her eyes if her cheeks weren't blazing. "I'm going to go now," she says. "Before, you know, one of us does something we're not ready for."

"Doesn't really bode well for our coffee date," Rachel says.

"Date?"

Rachel forces herself to take a step back. "Go change," she says. "I can't think straight when you're wearing that uniform."

Quinn chuckles. "You're really making it too easy for me with your word choices, you know?"

It takes a moment for Rachel to catch up, and then she's blushing as well. "You should go," she says.

"I really should," Quinn agrees, but she doesn't make a move to leave.

"Quinn."

"Rachel."

"Quinn."

She sighs. "I honestly love it when you say my name," she admits, red spreading across her neck and collarbones. "It's - it's literally the only thing that's truly mine, and yet everybody else uses it, but I love it best coming from your mouth."

"It's a good name," Rachel says, staring at Quinn is a way that can only be termed as fascination. Affection, maybe. Adoration.

Maybe even desire.

Quinn sucks in a sharp breath. "It's probably a date, isn't it?"

"Probably," Rachel agrees.

Quinn nods once, and then steps back once, and then again and again. She gives Rachel one more happy little smile, and then she spins around and hurries away.

Rachel isn't even ashamed that she remains rooted to the spot, staring after her until she disappears from sight.

* * *

Rachel doesn't really want to return to the Choir Room, but she knows she has to. Her bag is still in there, and she needs her keys and licence before she can leave. All she can really do at this point is hope that the rest of the Club has already left.

No suck luck.

Even worse, though, is that Finn is still there, with a group standing around him and, with the way they all suddenly turn to look at her, she can only imagine what he's been telling them.

Well.

This is something she can deal with on Monday, if she can just get out of this room unscathed. Her eyes zero in on her bag, which is so very helpfully right across the room, and she makes a bee-line for it.

"Wow, Berry," Santana suddenly says, and Rachel does her best to ignore her. "And here I thought I was cold."

Rachel frowns, but just keeps walking. It's not as if Santana actually asked her a question. Which, well, changes when Mercedes gets involved.

It's not surprising they would be Finn-sympathisers in this situation, but it still hurts that they would accuse her of leading him on and then just viciously dropping him without a good reason.

She likes to think being faced with someone else's suicide attempt is enough reason to re-evaluate one's own life.

Apparently, that's not enough for everyone.

Rachel should realise the entirely pointless interrogation lasts longer than ten minutes. The all-important ten minutes on which she and Quinn decided.

So, it's a relief but also another anxiety-inducing moment to see Quinn appear in the doorway to the room, looking curious and cautious.

The look very quickly morphs into something hard, when she sees the way everyone is surrounding Rachel, clearly indicating what's actually been happening.

"What's going on?" Quinn asks, stepping into the room, the light easiness from earlier entirely absent.

Rachel wishes for it back. She wishes she could have found a way to escape this interrogation without having to drag Quinn into this mess. They're already facing enough obstacles as it is.

"Did you hear?" Santana snarks. "The Midget called the entire thing off."

Quinn blinks. "Oh, well, yes, she told me," she says.

"I bet you're happy," Finn mutters, sounding like a petulant child.

Quinn glances at him. "I wouldn't call it happy, no," she says, ever so calm. "But, that's not what I asked. What is going on right now? Why are you hovering around Rachel like that?"

"Just trying to figure out why she had to be such a bitch about it," Santana says, their self-appointed spokesperson, apparently.

Quinn raises her eyebrows, clearly surprised. "Uh huh," she says. "Was this before or after you asked her what _really_ happened?"

"Come on," Mercedes says. "If she didn't want to get married, she could have just said so. There was no need to throw the ring."

Rachel's features darken, and she glares so hard at Finn that the boy can't even look at her. "_I_ threw the ring?" she asks, her voice sharp. "You told them _I'm_ the one who threw the ring? What is wrong with you?"

Finn opens his mouth to speak, but Rachel cuts him off.

"Save it," she snaps, a certain fire in her eyes. "You're a coward. How dare you tell lies about me, when you're the one who couldn't even _remember_ that you threw _your_ precious ring?" She shakes her head. "And you wonder why I don't want to marry you." She grabs her bag, rough and purposeful, and several people take a step back. "Fine. Whatever. Tell them whatever you want to tell them and soak up their sympathy, I don't even care. We're done, Finn. We are so done." She shoots the room a dark look. "I don't even know why I'm surprised you would jump at the opportunity to believe I would do something so heartless."

Rachel sucks in a shaky breath, and then looks past them to where Quinn is standing, her expression soft and welcoming.

Quinn smiles softly, trying to be supportive. "You ready to go?"

"God, yes," she breathes, and then makes her escape, leaving them all in silence as she reaches out for the arm Quinn offers.

She's going to be okay. Maybe not today, but some day. Soon.

She doesn't really focus on where Quinn is leading her, so it's a surprise when they step out into the parking lot and she's hit by the cold, fresh air. She gasps softly, and Quinn turns her head to look at her.

"You okay?" she asks.

Rachel nods. "Where are we going?"

"I know a place," Quinn says. "You okay to drive yourself and follow, or we can take my car and I can bring you back here after?"

Rachel thinks she's going to go with the latter, just because it means she'll get to spend a lot more time in Quinn's presence.

If Quinn can sense that's her reasoning, she doesn't say anything. There's just a squeeze of her arm, and then they're walking towards Quinn's little Bug. Quinn even opens the passenger door for her, wearing this little grin, and Rachel is pretty sure she's in love with more than just that smile.

"Thank you," Rachel says, and then gets into the car, feeling her heart expand as Quinn bends to kiss her cheek, and then very quickly closes the door.

Quinn seems to take a moment to compose herself, before she rounds the car and gets into the driver's side. For a while, she just sits there, frozen in place.

Rachel glances at her, worried she's regretting all of this, but Quinn just looks... happy. She looks so happy.

Relieved, too, but mostly happy.

Rachel can't help but mirror the feeling. They're safe here, in this car, away from the rest of the harsh world just outside.

"Hey," Rachel says, smiling so widely that her cheeks are starting to hurt.

"Hey, yourself," Quinn murmurs in response, finally turning her head to look at her. Her entire body seems to relax with what she sees.

Rachel reaches for her right hand, linking their fingers. "Are you sure about this?" she asks, needing to know.

"I am," Quinn confirms. "Are you?"

Rachel meets her gaze. "I said your name," she says, for what feels like the hundredth time in the last few days. She said Quinn's name, and that means something.

Something monumental.

For goodness' sake, she's here, sitting in a car with Quinn, having ended her engagement. It means everything, really.

"And, what exactly does tell you?" Quinn ventures to ask, her eyes hopeful.

Rachel can't resist it anymore. She honestly just can't, which is why she leans across the console and briefly presses her lips to Quinn's.

Quinn looks pleasantly surprised when Rachel pulls back, her eyes a little hazy.

Rachel almost giggles at the expression on her face, and she's smiling like the great big world suddenly makes sense when she says, "It tells me your name is forever."

* * *

_Fin_


End file.
